I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
please come you make the beer taste better
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
