Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
