so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
