Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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