i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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