So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
