tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
