I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
