I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
