took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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