They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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