It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
