Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
