Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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