Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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