I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
