But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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