I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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