Are we in a gay sports bar?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
