she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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