I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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