Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
