we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
