one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
