i permit you to call me
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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