Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
"it" just moved
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
