my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize