i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
