If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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