just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Let's get the cat blown out
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
