Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
pray to the hookup gods
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
