I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
