I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
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theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
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I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
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