I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
