U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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