At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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