yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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