Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
