i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
