I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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