Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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