when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
