ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
My feet surprised me
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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