Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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