I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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