Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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