$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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