So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
