He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
