I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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