I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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