I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
i think i just lost a toe
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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