Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
