I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
