my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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