sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
