I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
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Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
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I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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