guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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