I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Are my feet made of real feet?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
