Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
