I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
