Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
