hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
