Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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