I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
