Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
