I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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